Updated December 29, 2009
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Bound by Love
When God first came into my heart and my life, it was like first love, new love. There was no room for loneliness. I was at peace and completely fulfilled. There was ecstasy and joy unspeakable, and now....
I am bound by love.
Bound to continue serving God in spite of failure after failure;
bound to continue in circumstances I hate when it would be so much easier to walk away;
bound to mother for her well being;
bound to my children to see they grow strong and wise;
and, I suppose, most of all,
bound by love of myself to continue to seek perfection when I fall so short.
Postscript December, 2005
This lament was written over 20 years ago at a time in my life when both my mother and sister lived with the two boys and I, and all of them looked to me for their financial, physical and emotional well-being. It felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. So I made one of the more difficult decisions in my life and told both Mother and Jane that they had to get their own place. They were hurt and angry, not understanding that I was being crushed by the responsibility. Through their eyes I was this strong, unbreakable person they could always rely on and because of my own inability to express and share what I was feeling I was unable to tell them otherwise.
For the record, neither of them stayed angry long. Love won out as it almost always does.
